My life, version 2.

There I was at Publix - over Easter weekend - buying groceries for a pot luck at my sister’s house and I find myself in the wine aisle. Among the good stuff, I see Arbor Mist. I know, I know… its comparable to white zinfandel. But I was looking for something refreshing and it was just the cooler I craved for a warm Florida Spring day. And guess what - I confess, I loved it!

It was posed to me at dinner (by my mother) that I am obsessed with my wellness so I am pondering that as I post tonight. I do tend to have obsessive tendencies so I am considering the idea. What is an obsession anyway - a compulsive idea or behavior of which you can’t let go? One that consumes your life and causes you to forget everything else in favor of?

As I think about that in terms of my own behavior I am confident that my routine is not obsessive but focused. Focused on food, yes. Focused on workouts, yes. Focused on nutrition, yes. Focused on wellness in general.

I need to think about what I eat and what I do activity-wise often as it takes constant vigilance. It is so easy to let the small things add up each day to extra calories and wasted opportunities. In fact, it’s those small things that amounted to my 5 to 10 pounds a year gains!

SO… while I admit that I do talk about it a lot. I feel that is how I process it all and stay alert.

So its been several weeks since my last entry. I must say I’ve been struggling during that time. On the one hand I feel great. On the other, I am not seeing the progress I feel I’ve earned as a result of the effort I’ve put forth. It’s always about the scale with me. As of January 1, I am down another 6 lbs. In that eight weeks I was shooting for 1-2 lbs per week. That would be 8-16 lbs. - makes the real 6 sound pitiful. I was really banking on the new year calorie counting to be the secret weapon that proved effective.

Trainer M says I need to think positively and stop stressing over the scale. In fact, he urged me to stop getting on the scale for a while. I just fear that if I don’t check in often, the number will go up. He compared my weighing to planting a seed and then digging it up everyday to see how it is growing. Instead I need to leave it alone and water it so it can grow! Interesting analogy.

He also told me that having stress and negative thoughts can hinder my success. If I can visualize myself succeeding, I will get there.

Unfortunately I missed my appointment with J this week due to a miscommunication. She always encourages me and lifts me up emotionally pointing out that I have made great progress and am often too hard on myself. I could have used that pep talk as I am under a lot of stress.

First, FR was not doing well. The vet thought she may have had a small stroke. My acupuncturist disagreed and treated her for ear problems explaining that they could have caused her disorientation and odd posture. Thankfully, now she is doing fabulous with no lingering symptoms other than a healing hematoma.

If that weren’t enough, M tells me on Monday that his boss is declaring bankruptcy negating a huge balance I have with him. He isn’t sure what the outcome will be for him at this point as he may need to change gyms. Just when I have it down.

And finally, today an employee gives notice. Geez - how much turmoil can I take. While I am happy for him and his opportunity, I now have to concentrate on a solution.

So in my efforts to feel positive and happy, I am writing it all down to let the baggage go. My plans for success are getting back to tight calorie counting, eating more vegetables, adding more yoga and cardio, drinking water and relaxing about the process as I do.

Although I am not a big advocate of New Year’s resolutions, this year I have several. First, I have discovered that the “plateau” I am experiencing in my weight loss is most likely self inflicted! Apparently I am consuming way too many calories. These calories come from good healthy food, but simply too much of it. It comes in the form of evening snacking, large portions and second helpings. I read in Prevention’s Biggest Loser Weight Loss Planner that if you weigh 200 lbs, you are consuming 2300 calories each day to maintain that weight. 2800 if you are 250 lbs! That means I am eating more than 600 extra calories every day! The good news is that if I eliminate those from my diet, I will begin losing immediately and consistently take off one pound every three days according to my nutritionist. Now that is real incentive! So resolution number one: stick to 1700 calories a day.

Next, I just can’t get around it… I need to add in cardio to my weekly workout routine. Weight training is great but not a comprehensive fitness plan. M says I can do 30 minutes of intense cardio on the days I don’t come to the gym and then take a break on the weekends. So resolution number two: get up early and walk/run my 2-mile route Monday, Tuesday and Thursdays. That seems attainable. B dog needs it too.

Resolution numbers three and four are subsets of number one. They will help me achieve my calorie target by keeping me full and satisfied. Three: I need to eat ONLY good carbs (high fiber grains). This will mean eating out less, bring lunch or eating at home most days. And four: eat more veggies(!)… especially leafy green ones loaded with protein and calcium.

So that leaves my final resolution, number five: less talk more action.

Well I have to say, I feel really good about life these days. I am actually keeping up with my mail, laundry and dishes. While that doesn’t seem like much to most, it is a huge step for me. I even washed the dogs’ bedding and collars! When I keep some semblance of order in these areas, I feel more pulled together in general. It helps me stick to my diet in fact. Weird!

My workouts with M are really paying off too. I don’t see it so much on the scale, but I feel and look thinner (down 37 lbs. now). In fact, I am receiving a lot of compliments from friends and family which is even more motivating. I love it when plan comes together.

Next obstacle - Thanksgiving. I know I will miss the turkey this year (my first vegan T-Day). I really love turkey breast. It would be so much easier if I didn’t have to be around it - out of sight, out of mind… but I can’t expect my family to skip their main course for me. At least there will be a bunch of sides that I like that will satisfy me and I will bring what I need to make sure I am covered. I saw an interesting recipe for Jewel Roasted Vegetables on Ellie Kreiger’s Healthy Appetite on the Food Network this week that I am considering trying.

So, I am taking each day of these next two months “one day a time” to avoid the typical weight gain to which many people fall victim.

OK. So things are out of my control. I am uncomfortable with that. I react poorly to the buildup of things that happen TO me. I wish I didn’t care. I have recently become aware that it affects my well being in many ways. First, I try and push through. When it keeps compounding I get stressed and avoid. Then I feel guilty that I do. Then I lack motivation… for exercise… for socializing - you get the idea. Then I eat. I am mindful that it is bad for me but I do it anyway. I don’t really understand why I choose this destructive path - even though I am now mindful of the cause. I hate confessing it because I feel stupid. But there it is.

Just finished watching Biggest Loser… I can’t believe they complain about a 4- or 5-lb. loss in one week’s time! I realize they workout all the time, but those are some kick@$$ results. I would take it, that’s for sure.

I really need to kick up my cardio outside of my Wed/Fri gym sessions. I confess that I have been a bit lazy this week - or shall I say preoccupied. But I am back to workout tomorrow and very committed. Now that our weather is improving there is absolutely no excuse.

And my next attempt at success includes a lighter, leaner meal plan. More salads and veggies, less enriched carbs. We’ll see what M says tomorrow.

After running around all over town last weekend looking for pants that fit (I finally broke down and replaced my favorite two pairs of Old Navy pants that had become too big over the past year), my mother and I ended up at Old Navy once again. Their pants are nice and low waisted which suits my 5′4″ frame. Our extended search led us to discover Kohls department store. It is a really nice alternative to Lane Bryant (cheaper) and Target (more choices, better quality) — it carries young, hip styles for plus sizes in both Daisy Fuentes and Apt.9 brands. I was able to find a lot of basic pieces for my new fall wardrobe. We liked it so much, we went again this weekend to supplement our purchases. It feels good to by a smaller size at long last. I admit that I look forward to fitting into a 14/16, though, so I can shop in the Simply Vera department. I saw some very cute pieces there… so I guess I better get to it and really cut back on my calorie intake so it can happen sooner than later.

So I go to my biweekly appointment this Wednesday with J, my life coach… I was in a pretty good mood as I had made some significant changes at work that really helped my overall mood. She said that the changes were evident and that she noticed a real shift in my attitude. Funny how you don’t even realize something is weighing you down until you let it go.

M says that stress and attitude really affect your weight loss. Maybe the changes will result in some movement on the scale. I am struggling with the time it is taking to lose in proportion to the effort I am making. So I went to Borders last night with a friend and bought a new cookbook called 1001 low-fat vegetarian recipes. I am really going to focus this week on eating the recommended 5 small meals per day.

Nothing like a new haircut to shake things up a bit. Shorter and sassier… I am hoping it works from the inside out. So far the reviews are positive.