My life, version 2.

OK. So things are out of my control. I am uncomfortable with that. I react poorly to the buildup of things that happen TO me. I wish I didn’t care. I have recently become aware that it affects my well being in many ways. First, I try and push through. When it keeps compounding I get stressed and avoid. Then I feel guilty that I do. Then I lack motivation… for exercise… for socializing - you get the idea. Then I eat. I am mindful that it is bad for me but I do it anyway. I don’t really understand why I choose this destructive path - even though I am now mindful of the cause. I hate confessing it because I feel stupid. But there it is.

Just finished watching Biggest Loser… I can’t believe they complain about a 4- or 5-lb. loss in one week’s time! I realize they workout all the time, but those are some kick@$$ results. I would take it, that’s for sure.

I really need to kick up my cardio outside of my Wed/Fri gym sessions. I confess that I have been a bit lazy this week - or shall I say preoccupied. But I am back to workout tomorrow and very committed. Now that our weather is improving there is absolutely no excuse.

And my next attempt at success includes a lighter, leaner meal plan. More salads and veggies, less enriched carbs. We’ll see what M says tomorrow.

After running around all over town last weekend looking for pants that fit (I finally broke down and replaced my favorite two pairs of Old Navy pants that had become too big over the past year), my mother and I ended up at Old Navy once again. Their pants are nice and low waisted which suits my 5′4″ frame. Our extended search led us to discover Kohls department store. It is a really nice alternative to Lane Bryant (cheaper) and Target (more choices, better quality) — it carries young, hip styles for plus sizes in both Daisy Fuentes and Apt.9 brands. I was able to find a lot of basic pieces for my new fall wardrobe. We liked it so much, we went again this weekend to supplement our purchases. It feels good to by a smaller size at long last. I admit that I look forward to fitting into a 14/16, though, so I can shop in the Simply Vera department. I saw some very cute pieces there… so I guess I better get to it and really cut back on my calorie intake so it can happen sooner than later.

So I go to my biweekly appointment this Wednesday with J, my life coach… I was in a pretty good mood as I had made some significant changes at work that really helped my overall mood. She said that the changes were evident and that she noticed a real shift in my attitude. Funny how you don’t even realize something is weighing you down until you let it go.

M says that stress and attitude really affect your weight loss. Maybe the changes will result in some movement on the scale. I am struggling with the time it is taking to lose in proportion to the effort I am making. So I went to Borders last night with a friend and bought a new cookbook called 1001 low-fat vegetarian recipes. I am really going to focus this week on eating the recommended 5 small meals per day.

Nothing like a new haircut to shake things up a bit. Shorter and sassier… I am hoping it works from the inside out. So far the reviews are positive.